Editing PERSONAL NOTES:Dawn Breaks

<accesscontrol>Baelwren</accesscontrol>

==Dawn Breaks==
===Year of the Sun 1336 Steel 16===
I was right when I said I felt something. I have come across group of companions that need to go into the desert. To an old temple in the deep desert. I have volunteered to guide them. 

They are an interesting collection. A priest, a paladin, a monk, a ranger and a rogue. Something about the priest compels me. I am a faithful servant as I have always been but have strayed from the path since leaving Ferrodyne. Even as he compels and fascinates me this collection of people make me fear. What if I am discovered?

===Year of the Sun 1336 Bounty 20===
So much has happened since I first met these people. I thought I would be killed the night I had to admit what I was. If not for Jericho’s acceptance I think Nigel would have. Kimo seems not to care as long as I don’t use it on him. Perrin is a mystery as ever. I wonder if he even thinks on it at all. Regina doesn’t care as long as her profits aren’t spoiled.

It is strange but I have dreamt every night since I met them. Except here at the farm. I think Grandma knows. My Power approves of them. That’s all that I can think that it is.

So far it has been a strange journey and I have had very little opportunity to write of my experiences. The first prominent thing was the night I had to admit what I am to them. We were in the caverns beneath the old temple in the desert. One of the many tests we had to pass was the confession of our hearts desire. What could I say that would not be a lie? I want arcanists to be able to walk this land without persecution. I know if it were not for Jericho that would have been the end.

And as we have traveled Jericho has taught me more of the ways of ORB. I have aided him in the villages along the way. I help to inspire the common people in their faith. 

I continue to show only the parts of me that I think are safe. But I feel that Jericho sees past that. Sometimes I feel as though he sees more than even he expects. He didn’t choose his path anymore than I did. He leads my life and I lead his. I should have been the cleric. And while I am not a bard I have followed that life more closely then he has been able to. He should be the wandering entertainer. It would suite him. 

Every where we go he charms women and inspires people. It seems so easy. They all love him. This little group follows him so simply. As if there is no other choice and they are glad of it. I’m ashamed to say that includes me. He leads and I follow and it terrifies me. But I can’t seem to help myself.

A rose appeared on my pillow the other mourning. Only he could have put it there. No one else on the farm would have done it and no one not invited could have come here. It’s amazing what one little flower will do to you. When I awoke it was lying next to me. The first thing I was aware of was the gentle fragrance of its open petals. I reached out and stroked its delicate petals with my fingers noting the velvet feel of it as if it were the skin of a lover. It is difficult to express what that one rose did to me. It inspired sadness and warmth in the same moment. As I sat up I held its beauty to my cheek and inhaled its scent more deeply as I glided it across my lips holding it there. It touched me in away I shouldn’t allow but also made me feel so empty. I am so alone and this one flower made it so pronounced. It made me long for...everything. I want what that one rose could be. One moment of joy in the desert that has become my life. It puzzles me and I am torn. (The rose is preserved and pressed here.)

I mentioned it to him. Afraid to actually ask if he put it there. I told him he knows nothing of my life. He said “I think it is well past time for you to come out of the desert”. What could I say to that? And then he blessed me. It seemed a simple ritual but it was not a blessing of ORB. I don’t know for sure what it was and I don’t feel that he did either. He tried to cover it but I saw the flash in his eyes of surprise at what he had done. I will have to watch him more closely. As if that were possible.

The time here on the farm is very peaceful. It will end very soon. I’m glad to be continuing on our path but I will miss Grandma. She is the Grandmother to Jericho, Kimo and Perrin witch is odd to me. They are respectively Half-Elf, Elf and Human. I know she needs no assistance from me but she humors me. She reminds me of my own grandmother, surrounded with mystery. 

She is careful around me. She has a fantastic herb garden and very willingly tells me about the things she grows. She has varieties of plants growing here that shouldn’t be able to and some that I don’t even know what they are. She is mindful of what she says about the properties of the plants I don’t know. This reinforces my belief that she knows what I am. Regardless of her reservations to be near her gives me comfort. It’s almost like coming home after all these years. Her presence, the trees and the plants, it’s like being in my forest again with my Aunt Amanes teaching me with my mother at my side. Yaquenyn, my grandmother, would frequently oversee the lessons. Names I have never spoken to anyone and have only dared to think of any many years. Grandmother and this place make me miss them but I am able to think peacefully of them instead of with dread and turmoil. I don’t know what it is about her but I will miss her. One day maybe this damn task will be done and I can be free. Then maybe I can visit here again.

I have had much time to reflect on the last hundred years while I have been here. I have taken time to meditate and renew myself. I regret that I cannot openly tell Grandma what I am. I don’t like to keep secrets of what I am when it could get them in trouble. I don’t think anything could harm them here but it is the principle of the matter.

I know I have the strength to continue on my path but I feel so fragile. I have such a tenuous hold on existence. I am torn in many directions but this place has soothed and renewed me.