Editing PERSONAL NOTES:The Family (section)

===Year of the Sun 1235 Harmony 17===
It is done. I have taken Zafar as my lover. I don’t think I could have done it if I hadn’t been with Waseem first. Zafar was rough with me. I haven’t had such bruising since the Chapel first began infliction of pain as a method of teaching me '''''Samadhi'''''.

I am thankful for the night I had with Waseem. It was beautiful. When I went to him yesterday morning it was under the pretense of a message from his father. With the Father’s permission I told him that he had no responsibilities for the day. He was to enjoy his freedom before his betrothal became official. Waseem was very surprised. He asked me what kind of mood his father was in when he said that. All I could do was laugh. The Father rarely let any of us relax from our duties to the Family. I told Waseem that Father must be in a benevolent mood as he was letting me have a break before my assignment with Zafar as well.

The change that came over Waseem’s face when I said that was the most dramatic thing I ever saw. He looked physically ill. He told me how sorry he was that I would have that duty. It seems that everyone in the Family who knew about it was very sorry. Zafar was known for his roughness with women. The ladies of the Lusty Nymph had reported him to the Family before. He was no longer allowed to patronize their establishment. 

We went to Sunstroke to have a morning meal together. Waseem said he wanted to talk about my upcoming assignment with Zafar. He told me he was very unhappy with his father for giving me that assignment. It seems he argued with Hakem about it. Hakem wanted me to do the assignment because I had proven loyal and unafraid. The other women considered for the task appeared to be too weak-willed for it and Zafar showed a preference for me. I was invited to perform more then any other bard and requested in his presence more than any other female in Haven. I was a challenge for him and that made me much more of a logical choice for the task at hand. Waseem argued that I was too gentle. He told me his father said I had nerves of steel and enough charm to keep myself from serious harm.

I had to laugh at that point. Waseem looked at me with such puzzlement I laughed even harder. That is when I confessed. I put the seduction to the side and decided to be blunt. I told him about asking his father for permission to woo him. He looked so shocked I started to laugh again.

I told him I had felt a tension with him since the day we met. My interest in him had only grown. Then I told him that I had never bedded with a man and would be honored if he would consider being my first lover. I rushed on to tell him it could only be for one night and that when it was over I would be Zafar’s and he would go on with his betrothal to Zaina Al’Basim.

He was stunned. For long moments he just stared at me. For the second time I thought I would be denied my request to bed with this man. Then, to my amazement, he asked if his father had truly agreed to this. When I confirmed it he began the process of wooing me. He was determined to make it something I would remember well.

We spent the day in his apartments. I never dreamed being with a man could be like that. It was beautiful. Thankfully I was not completely unprepared. I had spent some time at the Lusty Nymph getting educated. I knew I could not remain chaste forever. But nothing prepared me for the feelings it would create in me. I have strived for all of my years in Haven to learn control and in one day it was stripped from me. I did not harm Waseem, but he was able to feel my Power ebb and flow through me. He was as amazed as I. The feelings made my Power seem greater then it had ever been before.

We spent all of that day and night in each other’s arms. Relishing what it was like to pleasure each other. He had no idea what it was like to bed with a woman who had the Power in her blood, in the very air she breathes. And I learned what it meant to be a woman in all of the senses of the word. It was magical.

In the morning I left him. I told him again that he had to continue with his betrothal to Zaina. The alliance of the Al’Basim family to the Al’Hamzah was very important to the Family. They are a very wealthy merchant family and have valuable contacts outside of Haven. He agreed but said he would not forget the night he spent with me. Then I kissed his brow and left without another word.

I went to my apartments and prepared for the day. I sent a note to Zafar requesting him to attend me for dinner. I thought a forceful tone was appropriate. I spent the rest of the day in meditation. In the hours before dinner I went to the ladies of the Lusty Nymph and asked for their assistance in preparing for the night. I told them I was trying to gain the attentions of a very special man and needed appropriate dress and oils. I paid them to bathe, oil, and clothe me. 

I left them and went to Zafar in his home. He had sent a missive asking that he be permitted to attend me there. He knew I intended to take him as a lover when I sent that note. As I went to him my nerves were truly tested.

The meal past pleasantly enough, though we were the only ones there. It is the first meal I have had alone with him. The servants all knew what he was planning. That alone made my skin crawl. But I smiled and said all the right things. When the meal was over and the wine drank I went with him to his chambers. And now it is done.

I told him I am expected early in the morning for an audience with a prospective client and need to prepare. He asked for reassurance that this would not be the only night I spend with him. I promised that I would be his until he no longer had need of me or until I grew bored. Then I left. He tried to stop me. He said I no longer needed to perform. That he would attend to my needs and desires. I told him that is not the way of bards.

If he only knew I had just given the biggest performance of my life. I could not stay in his bed tonight. I need some hours to recover from the pain. Giving myself to him hurt in a way the Chapel could never have imagined. I hope Master Laughing Crane never knows I had to do this. I hope this proves me worthy of Hakem’s belief that I have nerves of steel.