PERSONAL NOTES:The Family

<accesscontrol>Baelwren</accesscontrol>

The Family

Year of the Sun 1234 Fidelity 21

I didn’t realize who I was going to be training with until today. The family he sent me to is “The Family”, Al’Hamzah. These are men of power. I have no idea why they even agreed to have me. I met the Father today, Hakem Al’Hamzah. I think I was supposed to be intimidated, like it was some kind of test. If I had cowered before him I don’t think I would be working with these men come morning. He is a magnificent man. I have never seen someone with so much charisma and authority. It is easy to see how his family has become as strong as they have under his guidance. It makes me wonder what the first Father was like or maybe is like. Haven is a strange place.

Year of the Sun 1234 Prosperity 10

I have been with the Family for two weeks now working with a younger son, Waseem. He shows promise to be just as charismatic and strong as his father. So far he has taught me all of the basic dos and don’ts of the Family. If I cross the rules my life may be forfeit. I think there was yet again a test in this. While I know it is true that they would kill me if I erred in judgment, I believe they were looking for weakness in me. I assume they are hesitant to reveal too much to me before they find some level of trust in me. While I know the trust will take time, they have to start using me soon.

Along with my dos and don’ts, I have been encouraged to pursue training in the arts of performance. It is believed that this could be a good asset. Primarily I have been working on my voice and learning songs from a local bard. I enjoy it. It reminds me of my time with my mother.

Year of the Sun 1234 Penitence 31

I have been working for the Family for several months now. Mostly I gather information for them. The voice training combined with the natural ability I got from my mother has paid off. I am actually sought after in many of the prominent homes to provide entertainment for big events. It has been a very useful way of collecting information without being suspected. As yet my ties to Al’Hamzah are not known within the city. I am believed to be exactly as I seem-an elven bard with a beautiful voice.

Tonight, I perform for the Family. Hakem said I do not need to be among strangers on this night. I am to begin the New Year within the embrace of the Family. I think he is trying to bind me more tightly to them. I know he is looking for my loyalty and playing on the fact that I have been displaced from all that I know. If Al’Hamzah becomes a surrogate family to me then I will be as loyal as one not born to the family can be. I think I should tell him no tricks are necessary. I would never be disloyal. When I began with them I pledged to never do anything to harm the Family. While I have learned to be deceptive, I am not an oath-breaker and I never shall be.

It was a magical night. I dazzled them with my voice and light tricks and they dazzled me with their warmth. It’s amazing how kind a room full of murderers, thieves and whores can be. For better or worse they are my family, for now.

Year of the Sun 1235 Harmony 13

I have discovered a new reason why I was invited on Night of the Moon to be with the Family. Hakem was getting in my good graces to tell me about a new assignment. I am surprised he gave me that much consideration. He probably thinks I’m weak and must be wooed into a task this distasteful. Today I got to reassure him that I am loyal and will do whatever the Family requires of me.

It seems there is a merchant that is trying to create problems for the Al’Hamzah. He is getting in the way of our operations and is getting information somewhere. I have spent the last several months watching him. I have performed in his home and let him think I was interested in him in order to get close enough to get information. He tries to get me to become his lover. That has so far been a step I have been unwilling to make. Today the Father asked me to become Zafar Al’Abdul-Razzaq’s lover.

I stood there quietly for a moment, not sure what to say. In the end I told him that my loyalty is to the Family and if he wants me to do this thing then I shall. I asked him for only one favor if he would grant it, for permission to woo his youngest son prior to my assignment. I told him I also understood completely if he would not grant my request.

It was a tense moment for me when I told him that my virtue was still intact. I did not want to give it to someone like Zafar. I made the request that I did so I could at least give my virtue to a person of my choosing, a person I respected and admired. Waseem is someone who I thought I could enjoy touching me.

I thought he would deny me. He has been working on arranging a marriage for Waseem. He stared at me for so long I thought I would die. I almost retracted my request when he finally spoke. I will never forget his next words. “Baelwren, you ask a high price for your virtue. I will grant this because I know my son would want you. You have one night with him and then it is over. Before you lay with my son you must procure a charm to prevent any chance of you becoming with child. I will not tolerate a complication of that nature. The morning after it is done you are to become Zafar’s woman until we get all of the information we require. Is that understood?”

I told him I understood perfectly and left to procure my charm. Tomorrow I will seduce Waseem. From what the Father said I don’t think it will be that difficult. There has been a tension between us ever since he started my induction to the Family. I never tried to follow where it might lead. I didn’t want to have complications any more than the Father did.

Year of the Sun 1235 Harmony 17

It is done. I have taken Zafar as my lover. I don’t think I could have done it if I hadn’t been with Waseem first. Zafar was rough with me. I haven’t had such bruising since the Chapel first began infliction of pain as a method of teaching me Samadhi.

I am thankful for the night I had with Waseem. It was beautiful. When I went to him yesterday morning it was under the pretense of a message from his father. With the Father’s permission I told him that he had no responsibilities for the day. He was to enjoy his freedom before his betrothal became official. Waseem was very surprised. He asked me what kind of mood his father was in when he said that. All I could do was laugh. The Father rarely let any of us relax from our duties to the Family. I told Waseem that Father must be in a benevolent mood as he was letting me have a break before my assignment with Zafar as well.

The change that came over Waseem’s face when I said that was the most dramatic thing I ever saw. He looked physically ill. He told me how sorry he was that I would have that duty. It seems that everyone in the Family who knew about it was very sorry. Zafar was known for his roughness with women. The ladies of the Lusty Nymph had reported him to the Family before. He was no longer allowed to patronize their establishment.

We went to Sunstroke to have a morning meal together. Waseem said he wanted to talk about my upcoming assignment with Zafar. He told me he was very unhappy with his father for giving me that assignment. It seems he argued with Hakem about it. Hakem wanted me to do the assignment because I had proven loyal and unafraid. The other women considered for the task appeared to be too weak-willed for it and Zafar showed a preference for me. I was invited to perform more then any other bard and requested in his presence more than any other female in Haven. I was a challenge for him and that made me much more of a logical choice for the task at hand. Waseem argued that I was too gentle. He told me his father said I had nerves of steel and enough charm to keep myself from serious harm.

I had to laugh at that point. Waseem looked at me with such puzzlement I laughed even harder. That is when I confessed. I put the seduction to the side and decided to be blunt. I told him about asking his father for permission to woo him. He looked so shocked I started to laugh again.

I told him I had felt a tension with him since the day we met. My interest in him had only grown. Then I told him that I had never bedded with a man and would be honored if he would consider being my first lover. I rushed on to tell him it could only be for one night and that when it was over I would be Zafar’s and he would go on with his betrothal to Zaina Al’Basim.

He was stunned. For long moments he just stared at me. For the second time I thought I would be denied my request to bed with this man. Then, to my amazement, he asked if his father had truly agreed to this. When I confirmed it he began the process of wooing me. He was determined to make it something I would remember well.

We spent the day in his apartments. I never dreamed being with a man could be like that. It was beautiful. Thankfully I was not completely unprepared. I had spent some time at the Lusty Nymph getting educated. I knew I could not remain chaste forever. But nothing prepared me for the feelings it would create in me. I have strived for all of my years in Haven to learn control and in one day it was stripped from me. I did not harm Waseem, but he was able to feel my Power ebb and flow through me. He was as amazed as I. The feelings made my Power seem greater then it had ever been before.

We spent all of that day and night in each other’s arms. Relishing what it was like to pleasure each other. He had no idea what it was like to bed with a woman who had the Power in her blood, in the very air she breathes. And I learned what it meant to be a woman in all of the senses of the word. It was magical.

In the morning I left him. I told him again that he had to continue with his betrothal to Zaina. The alliance of the Al’Basim family to the Al’Hamzah was very important to the Family. They are a very wealthy merchant family and have valuable contacts outside of Haven. He agreed but said he would not forget the night he spent with me. Then I kissed his brow and left without another word.

I went to my apartments and prepared for the day. I sent a note to Zafar requesting him to attend me for dinner. I thought a forceful tone was appropriate. I spent the rest of the day in meditation. In the hours before dinner I went to the ladies of the Lusty Nymph and asked for their assistance in preparing for the night. I told them I was trying to gain the attentions of a very special man and needed appropriate dress and oils. I paid them to bathe, oil, and clothe me.

I left them and went to Zafar in his home. He had sent a missive asking that he be permitted to attend me there. He knew I intended to take him as a lover when I sent that note. As I went to him my nerves were truly tested.

The meal past pleasantly enough, though we were the only ones there. It is the first meal I have had alone with him. The servants all knew what he was planning. That alone made my skin crawl. But I smiled and said all the right things. When the meal was over and the wine drank I went with him to his chambers. And now it is done.

I told him I am expected early in the morning for an audience with a prospective client and need to prepare. He asked for reassurance that this would not be the only night I spend with him. I promised that I would be his until he no longer had need of me or until I grew bored. Then I left. He tried to stop me. He said I no longer needed to perform. That he would attend to my needs and desires. I told him that is not the way of bards.

If he only knew I had just given the biggest performance of my life. I could not stay in his bed tonight. I need some hours to recover from the pain. Giving myself to him hurt in a way the Chapel could never have imagined. I hope Master Laughing Crane never knows I had to do this. I hope this proves me worthy of Hakem’s belief that I have nerves of steel.

Year of the Sun 1235 Harmony 18

Waseem’s betrothal was announced today. I am grateful that Zaina is a beautiful and gentle woman. I have performed in the Al’Basim home and been privileged to get to know the family. I even reported to Hakem about them and about Zaina. That is why he chose her. He wanted to know how she behaved at home. I wonder if Waseem knows it is what I said that got her selected for him. I hope he is happy with her.

I spent time with Zafar today but left him to perform. He was accepting of this but I don’t think it will last for long. I can tell that it angers him that I am performing. I told him give it time and perhaps I will stop. I suggested that perhaps he should consider a harem. I told him that might make him happy. He claims that only having me in his bed every night will make him happy and asked that I return to him when I was done tonight. So, I leave now to return to him so he can have my body. It disgusts me to have to pleasure him. But thoughts of my night with Waseem make it almost bearable.

Year of the Sun 1235 Fidelity 20

It is once again my birthday. I am 24 today. It has been eleven years since my Power came to me. So much has happened. I know I will never be the same again. The last three months with Zafar have worn on me. He requests at least once a week that I quit performing. But it is the only way I get time free of him. It has taken all of my skills to be able to report to the Family undetected.

Now the Father says that I am to comply with Zafar’s wishes and quit performing. I am to do one last job. And that is to sing for Waseem and Zaina on their wedding day. I am to tell Zafar this piece of information in hopes that it will draw him out. Until the day of the wedding I can perform. Then it’s over. I hope I get a break before then. The wedding isn’t until Bounty on Harvest Day. I don’t know if I can handle another three months with Zafar. He hasn’t been rough since the first night and has apologized for it but I find him repulsive. I know something dark lurks beneath his pristine surface.

Year of the Sun 1235 Fidelity 22

I told Zafar today that I would quit performing after the Al’Hamzah wedding that is to take place in Bounty. I told him I could not turn down such an honor. Every bard in the city has been trying to get chosen for this. I told him that if I do this performance then I am truly the best and can happily quit.

As I told him I saw a gleam in his eye. I know he is trying to think of a way to ask me to spy on the Family for him. The Father has already given me some information to feed to Zafar when he asks. I hope it is soon. The sooner he takes me in confidence the sooner this will be over. Thank ORB that the Father told me to get that charm to prevent pregnancy. I know it is difficult for elves to get with child but Zafar has been at me every night and during the day if he can.

Year of the Sun 1235 Bounty 19

The wedding was beautiful. Waseem was so handsome in his ceremonial garb and Zaina was a vision. I had found a very fine bolt of elven cloth in a pale cream color some time ago that I had given to her family. It was made into the most amazing gown for her. It flowed over her in the most suggestive way. I could see the gleam in Waseem’s eyes when he looked at her. It gladdened my heart that one of us would be happy soon. Hakem had chosen well for his son. (A small fragment of the material for Zaina’s dress is included here; it is a sheer, gossamer fabric)

I reveled in the day, enjoying being around the Family again. I couldn’t get too comfortable with anyone though. Zafar was never far from me. He said he was afraid I would be lured away by the fame of the Al’Hamzah men. I laughed and told him nothing could take my attention from him.

At the end of the night I told him I needed to rest privately at my home. I told him it is elven tradition to have at time of reflection upon giving up a phase of their lives. Since I was giving up my bardic ways to be with him he has to honor this request for me. He reluctantly agreed but insisted on escorting me to my home. I left him at the door. I know my apartments will be watched tonight, but I had to have this one last night to myself.

Year of the Sun 1236 Steel 30

It has been over a year since I started my time with Zafar and it will finally end. In the last seven months he has opened up to me. He learned the value of my diplomacy and has been using me in business. At night he uses my body and I have to make him believe I enjoy the pain he inflicts on me. It started as soon as I quit performing. I even had to give up my apartments and come to live in his home. I have my own rooms but he brings me to him every night. The only blessing is that his attentions to me keep him from other women.

I finally was trusted with his informant. Thankfully Anis doesn’t know I work for the Family as well. Hakem will be hurt to find out it is someone so trusted though. Anis was practically raised as a son. His family has been with the Al’Hamzah for decades. I go in the morning to report to the Father.

Year of the Sun 1236 Chance 2

Finally it is over. I reported to Hakem yesterday morning. As I guessed, he was hurt that is was Anis. He didn’t say as much but I could see it in his eyes. I gave details on Zafar’s dealings and a map of the grounds. The Family arrived last night during a meeting between Zafar, Anis, and me.

Zafar was shocked. He actually made an attempt to save me, not knowing I helped to stage this. In his sick way he cared for me. He ran to where I stood and made to block me from the men of Al’Hamzah. The last thing on his face was hate for me. As I ran my blade through his heart I told him this was the plan all along. And once I was subjected to his touch, my only wish was to be the one to take his life. No woman would have to tolerate him again. He died staring me in the face.

Anis was executed by Waseem. The bodies were left in the study to be found by the servants. We all know the servants will spread word of why these two died.

For now I get to rest. Waseem came to see me and make sure my apartments were secured again. He thanked me for the task I performed for the Family. And he thanked me for the service I performed for him in giving a favorable report of Zaina. They are expecting their first child and he is very happy.

Then he apologized for what I was requested to do for the Family. He would never have wished that on me. Although he said I proved his father right, I have nerves of steel. He never thought I would kill Zafar myself and most definitely not while I looked him in the eye. My duty to Al’Hamzah was well served. My loyalty and fidelity would never be questioned. It gave me pride and sorrow to hear those words. I never imagined I would kill anyone. Nothing in my life prepared me for that. But nothing in my life prepared me for Zafar either. (Between these pages is a thin medallion that Zafar always wore. It is used to remind her of the first life she took and the pain that can be caused by a single man.)

And now I am left wondering what will become of me. The whole city will know that I work for the Al’Hamzah. I can no longer gather information for them here.

Year of the Sun 1236 Fidelity 20

Since my time with Zafar has ended I have rested and recovered myself. I have taken time to reach Samadhi anew and have gone to see Master Laughing Crane one last time. With his calm voice I have smoothed the surface of my mind like a deep pool and have drunk the water to slake my every thirst. I go now to find the knowledge I desire.

I have asked the Father to release me. With the promise of my undying loyalty he let me go. I told him to send word if he had need of me and I promised to send any information I thought he may want. He told me of a tavern in Hotempa that belonged to the Family that I could use to send and receive information.

This freedom was the best birthday gift I could have gotten and the only one I have had in twelve years.