PERSONAL NOTES:Freedom

<accesscontrol>Baelwren</accesscontrol>

Freedom

Year of the Sun 1236 Fidelity 20

I once wrote that one day I might write the story of the day of my change. Now that I have mastered my power I feel strong enough to write about that day, and the night that was to follow. It was the day before my birthday. I was going to be thirteen. That was twelve years ago.

I lay in my bed, listening to the trees rustle in the breeze. It had been a beautiful, clear summer day. My mother had told me to enjoy the day. She knew it was the last day of my girlhood. So, I played that day. I wandered far in the forest and smelled every flower. Just enjoying my simple carefree existence.

That night I helped with the evening meal as I always did. When I went to find my rest I lay there wondering what womanhood would mean for me. I always thought I would live a simple life. Help with home, marry, have children. Learn my mothers’ secret for elven spirits, taught to all the RunningDeer daughters upon entering womanhood. A simple elven existence...but it would be mine. That night I learned nothing in my life would ever be simple again.

I went to rest; blissfully unaware of what was about to happen to me. As I turned my thoughts inward, to rest in the way of elves, I could feel a storm building. The air was charged with the power of it. At first, I thought all of it was a storm building. A summer storm. But, as peace eluded me, I realized the turmoil was within me.

There was something alien, new, powerful emanating from me. It welled up, surging in its force, overpowering me. Driving conscious thought from me. I couldn’t control this thing. From the darkness of my mind I heard her screams. My mother cried in pain and I could do nothing, my vision lost to this power. I was merely a vessel for its strength. In my darkness I feared that she tried to suppress me. I felt something and then heard her no longer.

I ran... as fast and as far as I could. Stumbling in my blindness. After an eternity of darkness I could feel the power ebbing away from me as I ran. I became aware of the rain falling on my heated skin. Slowly my vision returned to me. I fell to the ground, my bodily strength utterly exhausted.

As I lay in the mud I could see the hazy dance of flames in the distance. I prayed for ORB to take me. I knew I had destroyed my home. I drifted into oblivion, hearing her screams, feeling the flames. I knew I dreamt, as elves do not.

When the sunrise reached my eyes I looked at the world. Everything was fresh and clean from the nights’ storm. I felt the change in me as well. For good or bad, I was something new. All the colors of the world were brighter, the light more intense. I could feel them as if I had a new sense. As I looked at the smoldering ruins in the distance I chose my name. SummerStorm. I was now thirteen years old.

Not knowing what else to do or where to go I started walking. I wondered how my body survived that surge of Power. I also wondered why ORB had not taken me. I was an abomination.

And then they found me. I thought they were warriors of ORB. They even had a priest with them. I thought I was to be found guilty and executed. ORB had answered my prayers after all.

But HE did not answer them in the way I expected. The men took me away. To a place where I could learn. Where my Power would not harm anyone. I have wandered here within my own mind, lost to myself. As my body finished its journey to adulthood my mind began the arduous task of finding control and self-discipline. And now that I have mastered myself and found Samadhi they came for me again.

This time, Master Laughing Crane was with me. I was presented to a Priest of ORB, a member of the Order of the Holy Compass. He has told me names and places where I would be safe and could get aid. I was told why they helped me to live and master myself. He even gave me some of the details. Details I cannot reveal here because they are to important and the risk is too great if they were discovered.

I decided then that I would dedicate myself to this cause and to ORB. HE had given me a new reason to live. The priest warned me that not all men of ORB followed the same tenants. Even though I dedicated myself to ORB and this cause, I was still in danger from the other men of ORB. He told me be wary of the Order of the Sword of Malicean the Prophet.

After he left us Master Laughing Crane told me to always keep the priests words present in my mind. He presented me with a ring of red gold. He told me that if there was nowhere left for me that I could use it only once to come to Haven. It was the Order’s and the Chapel’s last gift to me.

Master Laughing Crane’s last gift to me was a position with the Rusty Scimitar. He said it would teach me to survive without the Power. His gift to keep me safe. With his parting kiss on my brow I left the Chapel and began a new life under the watchful eye of ORB. Far from the life I had known, I go now as Baelwren SummerStorm to my new destiny with all of the skills Al’Hamzah could teach me. Into my first night alone in the desert.

Year of the Sun 1236 Fidelity 25

I have been on my own now for five days. It is the first time in my life I have been completely alone. The desert is so quiet at night without the breath of companions as they sleep. I can hear the scurry of little feet as the creatures of the desert night find pray. Even in the last years in Haven when I was cut loose of the Chapel I was not this alone. There was always somewhere to be at night, someone to entertain. Then of course there was the time with Zafar. I knew no peace then.

And now I look across my fire and see nothing but empty space where always there had been a familiar face. Even if those faces brought no comfort they brought presence and filled the void of an empty night. My companions now are the night skies and those feet I hear scurry in the distance. This emptiness brings a peace with it even though it is shadowed with disquiet.

When I was a child I never thought I would want to be alone. My only thoughts were of my family and doing my part within my family. Now I know I will be alone for most of my life. Mine is not a life to be shared with anyone. In many ways it is appropriate that I find myself in the desert now.

When I close my eyes the dreams take me sometimes. Thankfully they are still the peaceful ones that I had after beginning my training with Master Laughing Crane. I wish the skies were truly filled with stars as they in my dreams. I don’t think the night would seem so lonely then. I would be surrounded my siblings.