PERSONAL NOTES:You Can't Go Home Again

<accesscontrol>Baelwren</accesscontrol>

You Can't Go Home Again

Year of the Sun 1295 Bounty 19

It is Harvest Day and I find myself with Kelthis. He is an old man now. He has had children of his own and lost one wife. But he loved her deeply. There are no regrets here. His family gathers around him with joy and laughter. He grew into an honorable man. The business thrives under his family. They continue to be stewards for the Abdul-Rafi family.

I am glad that at least here I left something lasting, something untainted. Even after all this time I still can’t find the courage to go back to the Forests. I fear I will find nothing but a dark empty place filled with ghosts. I have enough trouble dealing with the living. I know it is cowardly of me but I’m not strong enough to face it. I don’t know if I ever will be. Someday?

For now I am enjoying my visit with Kelthis and his family. I am welcomed almost as an aunt or something like that. The grandchildren are adorable. They are constantly seeking me out to tell stories or sing someone to sleep. It is peaceful. After the holiday I will be returning to Sheppard duties. For now it is pleasant to spend time with those who are not depending on me for their survival.

Year of the Sun 1300 Remembrance 23

Again I find myself in Hotempa in the LuDrake home. Today I remember my friend. I was called back and reached here a few days ago. Kelthis was very sick. He was old and it was to be expected. I can still remember the day I caught him trying to steal from me.

He asked for me and I had to come. I delivered my children and come immediately. With his wife already gone he wanted me near. I held his hand as he slipped from this earth. As he lay dieing he asked me what I am. He said he always knew I had a secret and that he never pushed me because I didn’t hurt any of them. But he asked if he could know it before he died.

I couldn’t deny my friend. After I told him I was a sorceress I asked for forgiveness for keeping my secrets. He whispered that he always knew that I was special and that there was nothing to forgive. He thanked me for giving him this life and then passed from it. I will miss him and am glad that he passed in the month of Remembrance.

From a lost boy he grew into a wise man. I will miss his gentle ways. Even in death he thought of me. He made his family promise to always provide for me when I was in Hotempa for as long as any of them are able. What a giving soul.

Year of the Sun 1330 Penitence 31

The dawn will bring a new year in the Sun. The last 30 years have been good ones. I have Shepparded many children into the desert. The numbers have been increasing. I have had as many as eight children when I have reached the Oasis. It’s a new world.

I summoned a cat recently. Demanding creatures. I don’t know why I waited all this time get a familiar. He makes things not so lonely when I don’t have any children. And when I do he makes them feel more normal. He is a joy for such a small life.

I have managed to avoid any major encounters. There have been more undead in the world but I can usually avoid them. And then there are the occasional robbers. Poor fools, they don’t know what they are getting into when they mess with me. I had one try to attack me one night when I had a couple children with me. I think he should have been more concerned about them. With their raw Power they overwhelmed him. It was really kind of funny. He ran so fast.

There have been heart aches. I still feel the loss of Darion and Kelthis as though it happened yesterday. I have stayed true to my resolve and have taken no more partners. I have even stayed clear of the LuDrakes as much as possible. You can’t miss what you don’t know. It’s been so many years I sometimes think I should have forgotten everything that hurts. Unfortunately Elves aren’t made that way. All that I have lost is still a dull ache for me. There have been others along the way but I don’t know that they warrant the time to write them here.

Year of the Sun 1336 Harmony 15

This years Day of Harmony finds me back in Hotempa. I am retiring from Sheparding for now. It is time that I continue what I started. There seems to be strange things happening in the world. It is time I come back to the path set before me all those years ago in Haven. The Holy Compass didn’t save me to just be a Sheppard. I can feel it in my blood, in my Power. For now I will rest and watch. I feel something is coming my way.